tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post802425562732955490..comments2024-03-18T08:17:10.105-04:00Comments on The Irreverent Psychologist: Patient Suicide: Part Four -- What's a life worth?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-71174807781744293562014-06-15T21:26:13.877-04:002014-06-15T21:26:13.877-04:00Thank you so much for stopping by, reading my blog...Thank you so much for stopping by, reading my blog, and commenting. I'm enormously humbled at how many people have written me--privately and publicly--about this experience. I hope in whatever small or big way, we all are challenging to be a little bit more than we think we can be. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-88179986368344686052014-06-10T21:03:31.668-04:002014-06-10T21:03:31.668-04:00Jason, I just want to thank you for writing this p...Jason, I just want to thank you for writing this post and being support for so many people through just this one post; those who are leaving comments and those who aren't.<br /><br />My heart goes out to you and your late client.<br /><br />I am not a therapist myself (but aspiring!). I speak with people thinking about suicide daily, I hear them talk about not being worth it. Thank you for talking about that here.SRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05921721800786202002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-31308050114644158692012-10-11T10:44:18.823-04:002012-10-11T10:44:18.823-04:00Like Kerri above, I found this entry whilst googli...Like Kerri above, I found this entry whilst googling suicide and trying to find reasons to keep living. I suffer from Complex PTSD, and after years of being told that I am worthless - and then years of watching my peers live fulfilling lives while I struggle with meds and exposure and hospitalization - it's easy to feel as though my life is insignificant and forgettable. As I described to a psychiatrist last year, I feel as though "I won't leave a very big hole in the world, when I leave". <br /><br />However, your words here are really touching, and this entire series on the death of your patient has affected me deeply. I have never really considered the perspective that a person is worthwhile simply for being alive and human, but juxtaposed here with your attorney's cynical attitude...what you're saying just seems to make so much more sense than what she is saying. I also have an intense admiration for your courage in revealing your feelings and experiences about this tragedy with such openness and honesty. It has certainly shaken me and made me more seriously and realistically consider what the effect on my own therapist would be, if he were to get "the phonecall" about me, one day; I would never want to put him through that. I think the great evil of mental illness is that it warps their perception and makes them think that nobody would care if they were gone, that everyone would be better off without them - and, it makes them too afraid and ashamed to seek out evidence that such is not the case. It's been helpful to come across your site and find some of that evidence, without having to ask for it. <br /><br />I am so sorry about your patient, and I hope that you are recovering okay. Thank you for a moving and incredibly helpful piece of writing. Jennifernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-20313267950638484692012-01-09T12:03:04.669-05:002012-01-09T12:03:04.669-05:00Kerri --
I'm so happy you decided to leave a ...Kerri --<br /><br />I'm so happy you decided to leave a comment. It means a great deal to me to know that what I write touches someone else--even if for but a moment.<br /><br />You and I—and in fact all of us—are united in the struggle of finding meaning in life. I'm sorry it's a struggle and that you are in a place where you feel your life has no value. Know this: reaching out as you did and expressing empathy for me and my experience of losing a client to suicide—that act in and of itself is valuable. It shows that you have great value here on this world. The ability for empathy. To feel for another, regardless of how horrible you feel, speaks volumes about the depth of your character and the expansiveness of your humanity.<br /><br />I hope you find some ways to put down some of the weight you carry. Maybe in time you'll discover that there are some ways that weight can be transformed into something totally unexpected and delightful.<br /><br />Thank you for stopping by. I hope you come again.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-87930291003264564152012-01-09T08:27:07.747-05:002012-01-09T08:27:07.747-05:00Here I am at 4:30am googling suicide, trying despe...Here I am at 4:30am googling suicide, trying desperately to convince myself that I matter. I am consumed with thoughts of killing myself all day everyday. It's an effort to get through a day faking that I am fine but I get through with work and my responsibilities then escape the real world and allow my thoughts to take over . I accepted long ago that I don't matter,am worth nothing, and one day not too far away will kill myself. I am okay with that. I can honestly say that me surving my suicide attempt in college is my greatest failure.<br />I write this, not to alarm you, or because I want someone to save me; I write this to tell you thank you. At least for tonight I am choosing to believe your words. My life will be evaluated as having no value and in all likelihood your attorney's formula will show my suicide as a positive for the world. However, your words made me cry and for the first time in a long time I believe that someone wouldn't view me as a failure.<br /> I am not looking for a response, this is not a cry for help. I just wanted you to know that you made me feel connected and lessened the pressure I was feeling to kill myself. I am sorry for what you are going through, but I promise you brought her comfort and helped her more than you can comprehend. She didn't kill herself because you failed her in some way. I'm sure she saw you as one of her only blessings in life and she didn't in any way want to cause you grief; there was just too much that came before you weighing her down.kerrinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-62953126653750169022011-11-23T14:01:54.124-05:002011-11-23T14:01:54.124-05:00Thank you, Thomas. The American Association of Sui...Thank you, Thomas. The American Association of Suicidology does, indeed, have an occasional active community for clinician-survivors. Many of the readers of this blog have found there way to these postings via that list serve. :-)<br /><br />Hugs are always acceptable. As is ice cream.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-42014174907555511832011-11-23T13:05:01.784-05:002011-11-23T13:05:01.784-05:00Dear Jason,
I agree with Dorlee, and hope that yo...Dear Jason, <br />I agree with Dorlee, and hope that your reflections help those who are struggling with suicide. Along with such hugs as may be accepted, I'd like to suggest these resources for clinicians who are themselves survivors of the suicide of clients ("survivor" in this context meaning those who were in the suicidal person's life). The American Assn of Suicidology has this page: http://www.suicidology.org/c/portal/layout?p_l_id=PUB.1.150 and their Clinician Survivor Task Force page is here: http://mypage.iu.edu/~jmcintos/therapists_mainpg.htm. <br />Peace,<br />ThomasAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-75315773353992372682011-11-23T00:09:26.405-05:002011-11-23T00:09:26.405-05:00Tamara -- thank you so much. In particular, thank ...Tamara -- thank you so much. In particular, thank you so much for recognizing the importance of making this a dialogue that extends beyond this blog and into classrooms, consultation rooms, living rooms (okay, rooms of all types). I'm flabbergasted that in the thousands of hours of supervision I had, not a single hour was spent talking about patients dying. I'm even more shocked now as people come to me and share their own stories of loss couples with a punishing silence from colleagues.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-78061235498129209982011-11-22T11:50:45.888-05:002011-11-22T11:50:45.888-05:00Jason, thank you. So often the suicide of our cli...Jason, thank you. So often the suicide of our clients really is shrouded in silence that comes from our own fears . . . that we could have done more, that we might be sued, that we have done something wrong, that we are not enough . . . . <br /><br />Your courage to move beyond your fears to share your experience is invaluable to those of us in mental health. You, too, have put words to the unspeakable . . . to the unthinkable . . . and in doing so you have taken away some of the power that looms over us as we struggle to speak about the suicide of clients.<br /><br />Like you, I work with clients who, on occassion, consider suicide. The work is humbling and exciting, scary and rewarding. I know that one day, it's likely that I, too, will get that phone call. Thank you for paving the way to have the conversations - with myself and my colleagues and my attorney and supervisees, too. They are the oh-so-necessary difficult conversations that come with the privilege of working in this field. <br /><br />Blessings to you, Jason, on your journey - for your courage and your commitment to do the right things even when the risks are high and the choices are hard.Tamara G. Suttle, M.Ed., LPChttp://www.allthingsprivatepractice.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-39536868118931561342011-11-20T22:09:56.188-05:002011-11-20T22:09:56.188-05:00Thank you, Engelo. It's been great interacting...Thank you, Engelo. It's been great interacting with you on Twitter. Thanks for the poem, and for a great idea for a future blog post.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-89783963726493985222011-11-20T22:08:32.683-05:002011-11-20T22:08:32.683-05:00Thank you, Martha. Part of what has surprised me t...Thank you, Martha. Part of what has surprised me the most is how little many of my fellow colleagues are willing to talk about patient suicide. A few people have spoken privately with me and talked about the silence that has accompanied suicide--whether in private practice, hospitals, or community mental health centers.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-49637849739196249102011-11-20T22:06:38.051-05:002011-11-20T22:06:38.051-05:00Thank you, Dorlee. What a wonderful thought: that ...Thank you, Dorlee. What a wonderful thought: that my words here might find their way to someone thinking about suicide, and that these words might show someone another way to live.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00437830556630350204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-23543356116776323982011-11-18T12:37:50.548-05:002011-11-18T12:37:50.548-05:00"I know that none of us are ever really taugh..."I know that none of us are ever really taught how to be present with another person's pain" <br /><br />This is a very interesting insight. I'm trying to unpack what that means exactly, what do we do when we are not present? We feel compelled to make a DIFFERENCE, we want to improve how others feel, progress, progress, feel better NOW. We are impatient. We want to be the agent of change, to try to displace or define whose "fault" it is, to locate agency, think rationally. We say - stop sulking, stop feeling pity for yourself, life goes on... move, change, grow, become normal, move on, progress,progress, move on...<br /><br />What would it mean to be present? Here is W.H. Auden's answer: <br /><br />Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,<br />Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,<br />Silence the pianos and with muffled drum<br />Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. <br /><br />Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead<br />Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,<br />Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,<br />Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. <br /><br />He was my North, my South, my East and West,<br />My working week and my Sunday rest,<br />My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;<br />I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.<br /><br />The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;<br />Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;<br />Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.<br />For nothing now can ever come to any good.engelohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12878357452581826377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-75410563570306253082011-11-17T18:02:01.774-05:002011-11-17T18:02:01.774-05:00I am so sory for your loss.
and am touched by the...I am so sory for your loss. <br />and am touched by the way you are honoring your own experience, and your relationship through this writing. <br /><br />and you are not alone - and its good for the whole community for you to give voice to this. <br /><br />Thank you.Marthahttp://whatashrinkthinks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8975835436255022813.post-66419864217074722352011-11-17T17:24:35.016-05:002011-11-17T17:24:35.016-05:00Dear Jason,
I am so touched by the honesty and co...Dear Jason,<br /><br />I am so touched by the honesty and courage with which you wrote and shared in this post.<br /><br />My heart goes out to you and to your patient (may she rest in peace). <br /><br />I don't know what words I can possibly offer to console you but what I can say is that I think you sharing just how badly you feel about your patient's suicide, how much she mattered by just being, how much everyone matters by just their essence vs. what they provide means a lot.<br /><br />In fact, your words, your heartfelt feelings may be enough to make a difference for another person who is feeling very depressed and wondering whether his/her therapist truly cares, whether he/she really matters...in essence helping someone whom you don't even know.<br /><br />Take care,<br />DorleeDorleeMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12095854625660993531noreply@blogger.com