Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Neighborliness

I recently adopted a puppy. She and I are spending a lot of time together as I'm training her to be a therapy dog. Eventually she'll be joining me in the office. Part of Magnolia's training involves a lot of socialization. We go to parks, malls, and other places where she can encounter lots of different people. I have a list of experiences that she needs to be exposed to: older people, children, people using crutches, people in wheelchairs, etc.

I've heard people in the past joke about the best way to meet new people is to buy I dog. I had no idea how real that joke actually is. Admittedly, Magnolia is tiny and cute. Still, I didn't anticipate that people would actually stop their cars, roll down their windows, and start up a conversation. Since bringing Magnolia home on Saturday I've had no less than ten conversations with different people while I am out walking.

It got me thinking about why this is. I'm not doing anything different except walking with a prop--a cute dog on the leash. At least I didn't think I was doing anything different. After observing a little more I am realizing that I'm actually a lot more mindful of my surroundings. Sometimes big dogs come along and I need to snatch my eight week old pup off the ground. Sometimes little children come running to pet her, and I need to be ready to help negotiate the contact so neither party is afraid. Sometimes, I'm just making more eye contact with people. They notice me and what I'm doing. I notice them and what they are doing.

It made me wonder what other kinds of props people might use to start conversations and meet new people. Dogs and puppies help. Not everyone can have one. I've sent clients out in the past with homework assignments to hold the door open for people and make a few seconds of small talk, or comment on a pair of earrings that they notice and admire while in the check out line. Other clients, who spend lengthy amounts of time commuting on the T, get the homework assignment to make a comment or ask a question about a book they see someone reading.

The prop--or situation--really doesn't seem to matter. When people try out these homework assignments they are always successful: they have a brief conversation with a stranger. While it doesn't guarantee a new friendship is formed, it at least creates the opportunity for a moment of interpersonal contact.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Summertime Distress Tolerance

After a month of so much rain and cool temperatures that I thought I might start to rust, it's finally become more seasonable in New England. That means hot and humid weather. I fled my under-air conditioned home to look for a cooler spot.

I went to Target looking for a few electronic items and started to wander around looking at end caps. It became more interesting for me to wander around looking at people who were wandering around looking at the end caps for bargains. I got to thinking that this is a great summertime distress tolerance activity.

Distress tolerance, simply put, is any activity that can help someone get through a crappy experience or sensation without making the situation worse. Any tool that is healthy and non-destructive that helps distract from an unpleasant, intolerable, or not resolvable in-the-moment situation is a distress tolerance skill.

Target keeps the air conditioner on full blast, so it was nice and cool. Maneuvering a cart with one hand, holding a diet Pepsi in the other, I roamed the ends of the aisles totally absorbed in looking for interesting items--or people.

What a great way to lose track of time, distract from unpleasant situation, and make a positive non-destructive choice? A perfect distress tolerance skill.

Distress tolerance skills don't solve the problem--they just help us tolerate the problem until the crisis passes or until we can get into a space where we can make more effective choices.

As I come across interesting, unusual, or particularly effective distress tolerance skills I'm going to post them on this blog. I'll label the posts "distress tolerance" so they can be easy to find.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Welcome

Welcome to the Irreverent Psychologist. Over time, I'm hoping this will become a helpful resource detailing useful facts about therapy, psychology, and life in general. I'm also going to occasional write about tools to use for coping, distress tolerance, and enhancing your life.

Hang in there with me while I'm feeling out Blogger and finding a way to make this a useful place.

Who knows, maybe I'll get on a roll and figure out a way to make Twitter and Facebook useful too. Have any ideas?